On the Beasts Rubber Soles
Dear Mr. OR,
As I have mentioned in the past the Beast has begun to travel through my home with an alarming rate of speed. It is not unusual at any given moment to walk through a hallway or into a room and see a small blur go past at the level of ones knees. Now for any ordinary individual this could prove dangerous as the Beast attempts to get under foot and trip up whatever adult happens to be not paying attention. However; after years of owning cats both the Lumpy and his bride have become rather adept at avoiding these simple traps. Our guests have not. And so I began watching the Beast to see if I could find a way to slow it down.
I have noticed that the Beast has two forms of transportation which it uses. Hands and knees dragging feet behind for speed, I'm not sure how the Beast moves so fast when it must drag its feet but it does remarkably well, And standing upright when it needs to reach high places for greater destruction potential. Although lately we have seen the Beast try hands and feet a couple of times I am unconcerned as this form appears to remove the positives of the other two and adds no advantages.
My first attempt was to try the easy route and tie the Beast down; however, a recent visit by the Red Cross quickly destroyed any hopes of using this method over any length of time. And so I began brainstorming. What I really needed to do was to create friction on its back feet. The Beast was already dragging those so it would stand to reason that this would be a good place to attach a speed impediment. In fact they already were a speed impediment all I had to do was increase their effectiveness. What I needed was to encase them in rubber. It can be very difficult to drag rubber across smooth surfaces.
With this in mind I took off for the local store to pick up some large pieces of rubber and some duct tape. I returned a few hours later with several pieces of rubber I felt would be a good fit and with great skill managed to duct tape them to the Beasts hind feet. I am happy to say that the plan has thus far worked quite well. The Beast has slowed down significantly and is having difficulty moving at all while balanced on its hind legs. I share this with you as my first of what will hopefully be many successes. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
As I have mentioned in the past the Beast has begun to travel through my home with an alarming rate of speed. It is not unusual at any given moment to walk through a hallway or into a room and see a small blur go past at the level of ones knees. Now for any ordinary individual this could prove dangerous as the Beast attempts to get under foot and trip up whatever adult happens to be not paying attention. However; after years of owning cats both the Lumpy and his bride have become rather adept at avoiding these simple traps. Our guests have not. And so I began watching the Beast to see if I could find a way to slow it down.
I have noticed that the Beast has two forms of transportation which it uses. Hands and knees dragging feet behind for speed, I'm not sure how the Beast moves so fast when it must drag its feet but it does remarkably well, And standing upright when it needs to reach high places for greater destruction potential. Although lately we have seen the Beast try hands and feet a couple of times I am unconcerned as this form appears to remove the positives of the other two and adds no advantages.
My first attempt was to try the easy route and tie the Beast down; however, a recent visit by the Red Cross quickly destroyed any hopes of using this method over any length of time. And so I began brainstorming. What I really needed to do was to create friction on its back feet. The Beast was already dragging those so it would stand to reason that this would be a good place to attach a speed impediment. In fact they already were a speed impediment all I had to do was increase their effectiveness. What I needed was to encase them in rubber. It can be very difficult to drag rubber across smooth surfaces.
With this in mind I took off for the local store to pick up some large pieces of rubber and some duct tape. I returned a few hours later with several pieces of rubber I felt would be a good fit and with great skill managed to duct tape them to the Beasts hind feet. I am happy to say that the plan has thus far worked quite well. The Beast has slowed down significantly and is having difficulty moving at all while balanced on its hind legs. I share this with you as my first of what will hopefully be many successes. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
posted by Julia Reffner | Monday, April 17, 2006
8 Comments:
Lumpy -
I remind you that this Beast of yours is an exceptionally fast learner. It knows things it should not.
Take care when you are moving about the home. The Beast is studying you. It may be trying to learn how you move around so quickly in our atmosphere. Since the Beast is used to a watery environment, moving about on land is difficult for it.
Please be warned, and take note should the Beast ever start moving about on just two feet. It may be near impossible to stop then!
~ quint
Oh Quint is right! It does learn fast and if it learns to move on two feet it may get faster and harder to stop.
Perhaps if you take it to the ocean it will be so excited about the water it will take off and not return or at least give you enough time to drive off before anyone notices.
Good for you! Finally, you are getting the upper hand. I wish you more successes.
I fear The Beast may have some tricks up its sleeve, so don't gloat too much over your success.
You also could tie bricks to its wretched hind legs.
I'm impressed with the reasoning behind this untapped resource you cooked up. I'm sure you know that this duct tape comes in wonderful colors now, to match any decor. should the red cross visit, they will just remark on how nice the beast looks and they will be none the wiser.
Quint - It had never occured to me that the Beast might be studying me as well. I will have to be far more secrative about my movements from this point forward.
Toad - Unfortunatly our last visit to a large body of water did not result in the Beasts departure. It did; however, net me a little money for some Beast fur. On Vacations
Jamie Dawn - I dare say that you are correct and the Beast is far from having exhausted every suprise in its arsenal. We shall have to remain vigilant.
The Phoenix - I had in fact thought of this but the lumpys have wood floors in their house and my darling bride was adament that nothing be used which might damage the floors or increase the amount of dirt which is accumulating in our house.
Susiebadoozieqzee - I was actually unaware that duct tape was now purchasable in different colors. Unfortunatly the stores in my neighborhood appear to still be carying only the ash grey variety.
The Lumpy
I love how you are so creatively trying to gain the upper hand over the Beast! Beware, though -- soon it will be propelling itself on two feet. Dangerous, dangerous stuff.
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