On Psychological Warfare And The Shrugging of the Shoulders
Dear Mr. OR,
So much has happened since I was last able to sit and send you a note. In fact too much has happened for me to give a complete synopsis within this letter. So we shall pick an item each time until we are back up to speed. Let’s see...
The Beast has begun learning the primary tool of psychological warfare. Where the Beast acquired the knowledge for this new attack I do not know as I am not a government operative. I can only assume that it has been reading up on the subject during the long visits to the library which the Beast is constantly taking my wife on. And so it is with profound displeasure that I report the Beast has begun to speak.
As in all such cases the Beast began with gestures of defiance. I believe it began this way in order to test its control over my wife. Indeed I observed with alarm as my wife told the Beast not to do something and the Beast turned around and vigorously shook its head left to right. Well I dare say that the Beast was unhappy with the outcome as my wife promptly made sure that the Beast could not complete its activity. However, as time has passed I noticed that my wife would not as often keep the Beast from doing things she had told it not too and now when the Beast shakes its head my wife simply shrugs her shoulders and lets the Beast go about its business. Very disturbing indeed.
For example. The Beast has taken to protesting about the food we have been feeding it. It would seem that as the Beast gains a more permanent foot hold it begins to make demands. It is content only for as long as it has to be and so when it has decided that it doesn't like something, such as its food, it deposits it upon the floor by way of flinging the item or substance as far from itself as it can. Picking up the item and returning it to the Beast results in an endless round robin of wills to see who will cave first. I tested this once to get a better idea of what I was dealing with. After two hours of returning an item to the Beast only to have it throw the item back to the floor I finally gave up in despair and went to my study to read some George Elliot.
It would seam that I have my work cut out for me.
I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
So much has happened since I was last able to sit and send you a note. In fact too much has happened for me to give a complete synopsis within this letter. So we shall pick an item each time until we are back up to speed. Let’s see...
The Beast has begun learning the primary tool of psychological warfare. Where the Beast acquired the knowledge for this new attack I do not know as I am not a government operative. I can only assume that it has been reading up on the subject during the long visits to the library which the Beast is constantly taking my wife on. And so it is with profound displeasure that I report the Beast has begun to speak.
As in all such cases the Beast began with gestures of defiance. I believe it began this way in order to test its control over my wife. Indeed I observed with alarm as my wife told the Beast not to do something and the Beast turned around and vigorously shook its head left to right. Well I dare say that the Beast was unhappy with the outcome as my wife promptly made sure that the Beast could not complete its activity. However, as time has passed I noticed that my wife would not as often keep the Beast from doing things she had told it not too and now when the Beast shakes its head my wife simply shrugs her shoulders and lets the Beast go about its business. Very disturbing indeed.
For example. The Beast has taken to protesting about the food we have been feeding it. It would seem that as the Beast gains a more permanent foot hold it begins to make demands. It is content only for as long as it has to be and so when it has decided that it doesn't like something, such as its food, it deposits it upon the floor by way of flinging the item or substance as far from itself as it can. Picking up the item and returning it to the Beast results in an endless round robin of wills to see who will cave first. I tested this once to get a better idea of what I was dealing with. After two hours of returning an item to the Beast only to have it throw the item back to the floor I finally gave up in despair and went to my study to read some George Elliot.
It would seam that I have my work cut out for me.
I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
posted by Julia Reffner | Tuesday, March 28, 2006
11 Comments:
Lumpy -
The Beast is smart. Notice the prodigious size of its head. As the Beast gets larger, the considerable bulk of its head should be more in propotion to the size of its body. During this process, the Beast will become smarter and smarter. Until, of course, it becomes teenaged, at which point all logic and sensibilty you think the Beast has learned go flying out the window.
Perhaps a device such as one I noticed at a local sporting-goods shop can prohibit the brain of the Beast from growing, and thus stop the spread of knowledge. I'll never know why the sales clerk at the shop kept referring to this item as a "Headband," as the item surely looked like a "Brain-Size-Restrictor" to me.
I shall make another excursion to this shop and inquire of the clerk once again. Perhaps she was under the influence of a Beast.
~ quint
if the beast is going to complain about the cuisine..maybe she needs to learn to hunt now..she can gather her own nuts and berries..teehee;)
In a battle of wills, the Beast will always win. You do indeed have your work cut out for you in exerting control. You and your wife must make your authority known as early as possible.
Quint - I have indeed noticed that the Beasts head is out of proportion to its body. I had hoped that this was due to a thick skull as opposed to supperior mental processing power; however, perhaps it is not too late. I shall go and buy one of these brain-size-restrictors immediatly.
Bossy Britches - Indeed my wife and I have had discussions about the Beasts hunting and gathering skills. The Beast can often (between regular meal times) be found foraging around on our floors looking for anything it thinks is edible.
Monique - True the battle to assert my authority still goes forward; however, these Beasts are very difficult to impress. Still I have not met my match in the will department yet. Although my wife is very close.
The Lumpy
next time, in order to make it a little more pleasant, why don't you engage the beast in a simple food fight? perhaps, if you are a good aim, some of the gruel will actually land in the beasts mouth, while it chortles in delight over your game.
I'm so happy you have emerged from your work coma. How ghastly it must have been!
Now, you are facing enormous challenges with The Beast. Sounds like The Beast is a tad bit bratty.
Not to worry though, I've heard that Beasts take after their caretakers.
Welcome back, Lumpy!
susiebadoozieqzee - I am delighted to report that I gave your suggestion a try last night much to the disapproval of my darling bride. I am not so delighted to report that I am not a good aim and so none of the food managed to land in the Beasts mouth and my darling bride made me clean up a large portion of the house when I was done. Next time I shall have to strap the Beast into its feeding chair first.
Jamie Dawn - It is the idea that Beasts take after their caretakers which disturbs me the most. Believe me no one is happier I emerged from my coma than I am. Thank you for the warm welcome back.
The Lumpy
I have fought with the Beasts' counterparts...may God give you strength.
I believe the younger creature in my once peaceful home has the power to move objects by pure thought. Yes, telekinesis.
At this point, I have no defense against this newfound power...and I just try to appease it as to not ignite it's fury.
Ah the joys of psychological warfare. To think this is only the beginning... Wait till the Beast learns the ropes of heavy teenage artillery.
One of these days, I will reorganize my blogroll and RE-add you to it.
I hope you stick around Blogdom this time.
Sheesh!
The Phoenix - Indeed is always nice to find a comrad in arms. Perhaps you could offer some wisdom you have gleaned over your adventures fighting off the little creatures. Suggestions are always appreciated.
Anne - I have heard a great deal about these Teens. They sound quite fearsome. I shall hope that I do not have to fight one.
Jamie Dawn - Thank you kindly. I intend to stick around this time as the whole reason I am back is not that I have found time but that I have made the decision that I will make time for blogging. For me that makes all the difference in the world.
The Lumpy
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