On Preparation and Days Long Past
Dear Mr. OR,
The preparations for this weekend have begun in the lumpy household. You see one year ago today my wife rolled over to me in bed and informed me that we needed to go to the hospital. For about nine months my wife had been suffering from a strange bloating disease that the Doctors were unable to find a cure for but insisted would disappear on its own. Disappear on its own or not it occasionally caused my wife a great deal of pain and this time she felt the pain was bad enough that we should visit the hospital immediately. So I hurriedly dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, stuffed my wife in the car and off we went. It was well we were at the hospital that the Beast invaded our house. If only I had known then what I know now.
My wife was released from the hospital after a couple of days; her bloating much more under control and already on the retreat due to the excellent work of the doctors and nurses. I was amazed at the amount of water my wife had passed while there. And so we headed home.
Upon opening the door to the house we were immediately met by a small pink fleshy bundle curled up on floor. I must admit that at first I was taken in by the cute appearance of the Beast. It wasn't until sometime later that I came to realize the mistake that I had made. My wife who is an absolute sucker for anything that is cute, pink, and small immediately asked if she could keep it. I was not so sure but given her recent ordeal I did not feel as though I could disappoint her and so the Beast gained its foothold in my household. In a matter of days the Beast had established control over my darling bride with its mind control tricks and was beginning to turn it's attentions onto me.
And so my wife is preparing to celebrate the one year anniversary of the Beasts arrival and I am looking for any opportunity to snag the Beast that shall present itself or at the least another opportunity to compare notes with other men who find themselves in the same situation. Should I find anything interesting I will of course share my notes. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
The preparations for this weekend have begun in the lumpy household. You see one year ago today my wife rolled over to me in bed and informed me that we needed to go to the hospital. For about nine months my wife had been suffering from a strange bloating disease that the Doctors were unable to find a cure for but insisted would disappear on its own. Disappear on its own or not it occasionally caused my wife a great deal of pain and this time she felt the pain was bad enough that we should visit the hospital immediately. So I hurriedly dragged myself out of bed, got dressed, stuffed my wife in the car and off we went. It was well we were at the hospital that the Beast invaded our house. If only I had known then what I know now.
My wife was released from the hospital after a couple of days; her bloating much more under control and already on the retreat due to the excellent work of the doctors and nurses. I was amazed at the amount of water my wife had passed while there. And so we headed home.
Upon opening the door to the house we were immediately met by a small pink fleshy bundle curled up on floor. I must admit that at first I was taken in by the cute appearance of the Beast. It wasn't until sometime later that I came to realize the mistake that I had made. My wife who is an absolute sucker for anything that is cute, pink, and small immediately asked if she could keep it. I was not so sure but given her recent ordeal I did not feel as though I could disappoint her and so the Beast gained its foothold in my household. In a matter of days the Beast had established control over my darling bride with its mind control tricks and was beginning to turn it's attentions onto me.
And so my wife is preparing to celebrate the one year anniversary of the Beasts arrival and I am looking for any opportunity to snag the Beast that shall present itself or at the least another opportunity to compare notes with other men who find themselves in the same situation. Should I find anything interesting I will of course share my notes. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
posted by Julia Reffner | Friday, April 07, 2006
10 Comments:
Ah, how sweet. I hope the beast has a wonderful birthday. If there's to be a birthday celebration you might as well suck it up and just enjoy it!
As your wife will probably feed the beast lots of sweets at this point perhasp you could slip in some poison. That might rid you of the beast.
Happy Birthday to the Beast! April is a good month to have a birthday.
Lumpy -
For a full year now, this hideous creature has tormented your life. I have seen you with much more hair than you have right now.
Beware the comsumption of sweet foods on this anniversary. These foods are a dangerous prospect in that they make cause the Beast to become more unruly and spastic than ever before.
I leave you with these words of warning (you shall soon know what I speak of): Put a tarp down.
~ quint
I have had 3 beasts come thru my house. We changed houses. They found us.
It will be about 16 to 18 years, before you find out if not dropping the beast in the manhole while the policeman watched, was a good idea or not.
HAPPY Birthday, Baby Lumpy!!!!!
You've won the hearts of your parents and you've inspired your daddy to write.
You must be VERY special.
Lumpy, try and enjoy the festivities. I'm sure The Beast will hog all the attention.
It's interesting to me how humans still have that desire to cuddle with a Beast that is capable of secreting such terrible substances out of it's mouth and rear.
happy birthday, you little creature.
Happy birthday to the little beast!
awwwwww Happy Birthday Beast! Thanks for your comment on my blog and I hope you come back over to visit sometime! :)
Happy, happy birthday to the Beast!!!
well, its good you have survived a year of this invasion, and do you think it's possible that more of it's kind will follow? don't they usually send for reinforcements around about this time?
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