On Beastish and Bears in My Bushes
Dear Mr. OR,
It would seam that the Beast has under estimated the power of its own attacks. For the last week now my darling bride, myself, and the Beast have all been suffering the effects of the Beasts latest biological attack. In fact we are still under the influence of it even now. And so my days have consisted mostly of cleaning up the usual debris that tends to get strewn everywhere when a household is sick.
Meanwhile the Beast, although it is ill, has been wandering around the house in very high spirits. It slowly drags its rubber soles from semi clean area of the house to another leaving it standard wake of debris where ever it goes and all the while rambling to itself in its own beastish language. My wife and I have termed this B-speak and the Beast appears to be doing it far more often.
In fact the Beast speaks so much more freely lately that I was afraid it might be communicating to other Beasts just outside our windows. Ever since this though came to me I have been nervously checking the bushes outside of our house every chance I get but I have yet to see one of the Beasts little comrades ease dropping out there.
I have a particularly noisy door and these ease dropping Beasts must be running away as soon as they hear the door begin to open. Indeed I think once or twice now I have seen the hind side of Beast disappear around the corner of the house just as I managed to make my way out the door. Well this will never do. I can not have my Beast coordinating attacks right in front of me. Goodness knows if it is aloud to have such open and constant communication why... our whole neighborhood could be over run by this time next year!
And so this morning I rose up early and spread several bear traps just under the mulch behind the bushes. I'm sure to catch one now. And so I leave you while I check my traps and see if I have had any luck. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
It would seam that the Beast has under estimated the power of its own attacks. For the last week now my darling bride, myself, and the Beast have all been suffering the effects of the Beasts latest biological attack. In fact we are still under the influence of it even now. And so my days have consisted mostly of cleaning up the usual debris that tends to get strewn everywhere when a household is sick.
Meanwhile the Beast, although it is ill, has been wandering around the house in very high spirits. It slowly drags its rubber soles from semi clean area of the house to another leaving it standard wake of debris where ever it goes and all the while rambling to itself in its own beastish language. My wife and I have termed this B-speak and the Beast appears to be doing it far more often.
In fact the Beast speaks so much more freely lately that I was afraid it might be communicating to other Beasts just outside our windows. Ever since this though came to me I have been nervously checking the bushes outside of our house every chance I get but I have yet to see one of the Beasts little comrades ease dropping out there.
I have a particularly noisy door and these ease dropping Beasts must be running away as soon as they hear the door begin to open. Indeed I think once or twice now I have seen the hind side of Beast disappear around the corner of the house just as I managed to make my way out the door. Well this will never do. I can not have my Beast coordinating attacks right in front of me. Goodness knows if it is aloud to have such open and constant communication why... our whole neighborhood could be over run by this time next year!
And so this morning I rose up early and spread several bear traps just under the mulch behind the bushes. I'm sure to catch one now. And so I leave you while I check my traps and see if I have had any luck. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
posted by Julia Reffner | Friday, April 21, 2006
9 Comments:
Smart thinking, Lumpy!
Too bad you don't understand B-Speak. You would be able to know what The Beast is planning.
If you trap one of The Beast's friends, you should be ready to face the wrath of The Beast. It might be terrible!
Take care -- soon the Beast will switch from B-speak to language you can understand, and you will be expected to actually communicate with the creature. Although this could turn out advantageous to your information gathering efforts.
Oh those Beasts are a wily lot, they will probably escape yur clutches and find ever-more challenging methods of destroying mankind!
LOL
I’m still fighting WordPress at the new blog, but decided I needed to swing by blogroll buddies and say howdy!
Hope you have a terrific weekend - the weather in the KC area is spectacular!
Hugs,
Marti
Darn beasts....any luck with the traps??
or, if you catch one, you can perform experiments of comparison on them. tape record their language, and see if you can make sense of it.
you also need to think of possibilities that the outdoor sneaks are not on the ground, but in fact suspended from rapeling ropes. and as soon as you open the door or window, they quickly spring upward into the sky. do you hear any noises on the roof? did you look up into the trees?
I agree with Susie. Look to the skies. The beasts may be in the trees. Do you have a chimney? They may use that to get into the house while you are sleeping.
Your cunning will surely be their undoing. So, if one is caught what shall you do with it?
Biological warfare.
Methinks your Beast is sophisticated in its attacks.
hey, can you mark my new blog address?
new addy
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