On Flooding the Desert
Dear Mr. OR,
It would appear that the Beast has picked up a rather unusual gift. Where the Beast managed to learn this gift I do not know. I can only speculate that it must have been on one of its late night cannibalistic outings with my wife. Perhaps it captured a small Beast which had infiltrated a Native American household and given the unfortunate victim its freedom in exchange for this gift. However the Beast came across it, I am now the proud owner of one Beast who is capable of doing a rain dance.
It usually begins with a slight bending of the knees followed by several deep bending motions while the legs piston up and down in unison, then a pause while the hands flail vigorously followed by more deep bends and leg pistoning. This goes on for several minutes until Presto! Rain!
The Beast apparently thinks this is a very neat trick indeed as it has been doing its new rain dance for several days now causing it to rain directly above my house with out seising for several days. Every time it starts to let up the Beast begins its dance again and down comes the rain harder than before.
I was not concerned about this at first as I don't much care to be outdoors due to some severe allergies to everything that is green. But I failed to see the real genius of the plan until I wandered into our basement to find someone had replaced it with a large dirty swimming pool. I quickly realized that the Beast was trying to drown me out. Alas the poor Beast underestimated the Lumpy’s resourcefulness. After a deep sea diving expedition conducted by canoe in my basement I was able to find our pump and get it working. The basement is no longer underwater and everything is beginning to dry out which is a relief to me as I'm not fond of death by drowning.
As I wait for things to finish drying out I have begun talks with several counties in Arizona who are very interested in purchasing some time with our talented Beast. They think with some help our Beast could be a great boon to their agricultural business. A price has not been set yet but I will let you know as soon as negotiations have been completed. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
It would appear that the Beast has picked up a rather unusual gift. Where the Beast managed to learn this gift I do not know. I can only speculate that it must have been on one of its late night cannibalistic outings with my wife. Perhaps it captured a small Beast which had infiltrated a Native American household and given the unfortunate victim its freedom in exchange for this gift. However the Beast came across it, I am now the proud owner of one Beast who is capable of doing a rain dance.
It usually begins with a slight bending of the knees followed by several deep bending motions while the legs piston up and down in unison, then a pause while the hands flail vigorously followed by more deep bends and leg pistoning. This goes on for several minutes until Presto! Rain!
The Beast apparently thinks this is a very neat trick indeed as it has been doing its new rain dance for several days now causing it to rain directly above my house with out seising for several days. Every time it starts to let up the Beast begins its dance again and down comes the rain harder than before.
I was not concerned about this at first as I don't much care to be outdoors due to some severe allergies to everything that is green. But I failed to see the real genius of the plan until I wandered into our basement to find someone had replaced it with a large dirty swimming pool. I quickly realized that the Beast was trying to drown me out. Alas the poor Beast underestimated the Lumpy’s resourcefulness. After a deep sea diving expedition conducted by canoe in my basement I was able to find our pump and get it working. The basement is no longer underwater and everything is beginning to dry out which is a relief to me as I'm not fond of death by drowning.
As I wait for things to finish drying out I have begun talks with several counties in Arizona who are very interested in purchasing some time with our talented Beast. They think with some help our Beast could be a great boon to their agricultural business. A price has not been set yet but I will let you know as soon as negotiations have been completed. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
posted by Julia Reffner | Tuesday, May 02, 2006
12 Comments:
well which came first, the flooding or the rain dance? i was not clear on that fact. because if the beast can not only make it rain, but keep it contained within certain parameters, this would be very sought after. your beast could be a weatlhy girl before she ever his school.
You may be able to profit from The Beast!!
If it had succeeded in drowning you, one would think that it would be drowning itself as well. This does not make sense, so I fear that your Beast is probably part fish and does not need oxygen.
Perhaps you should investigate renting the Beast out to drought-stricken areas LOL
I definitly think you should start renting the beast out. You could make a fortune!
Hellooooo, Lumpy!
We enjoyed our visit to Niagara Falls. So, I guess we were in your neck of the woods. It was beautiful, and the tulips in the park were so pretty. Courtney and I rode on the Maid of the Mist. What a blast!
Hope all is well with you and your darling wife and little beast.
It is MY female beast's 18th b-day TODAY!!!!!!
It is MY female beast's 18th b-day TODAY!!!!!!
Is this a completely voluntary rain dance or does music encourage the beast to carry on so? I had a similar phenomena at the bee household albeit rhythmic syncopation was the underlying culprit. If I may suggest eliminating any and all Bose speakers, music with deep base lines and Barry White's Greatest Hits might accomplish the task. Unless of course, you are partial to rain.
You have to be careful when bringing the Beast to Arizona for the water they need. If it floods there the cacti there will soak up too much moisture and explode causing their needles to go flying in all directions. This could be very harmful to the local population and cause law suits coming your way left and right.
~Cyr
as long as it isn't raining urine . . .
Umm...where are you?
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