On Biological Warfare
Dear Mr. OR,
I suppose it was only a matter of time. The Beast has unleashed its most fearsome weapon yet. It appears that the Beast came upon a Biological weapon. Now luckily it does not appear to be Anthrax or anything so nasty but everyone who resides at the Lumpy Residence has contracted an illness that makes the head feel as though it is going to explode from being packed with too much cotton and the body feel as though it is wrapped in a heating pad set to char broil. Having relayed this info I am off to mix up another cocktail of drugs that I'm hoping will eventually burn the bug out of us. I will send my next letter as soon as I am well. I remain always;
Respectfully yours,
The Lumpy
I suppose it was only a matter of time. The Beast has unleashed its most fearsome weapon yet. It appears that the Beast came upon a Biological weapon. Now luckily it does not appear to be Anthrax or anything so nasty but everyone who resides at the Lumpy Residence has contracted an illness that makes the head feel as though it is going to explode from being packed with too much cotton and the body feel as though it is wrapped in a heating pad set to char broil. Having relayed this info I am off to mix up another cocktail of drugs that I'm hoping will eventually burn the bug out of us. I will send my next letter as soon as I am well. I remain always;
Respectfully yours,
The Lumpy
posted by Julia Reffner | Tuesday, October 11, 2005
12 Comments:
I am sorry to hear about the bug that has invaded the Lumpy house. I hope you all feel better soon.
Lumpy -
It is good to have contracted this illness. Your system will build an immunity, hopefully, to any future attacks the Beast unleashes.
~ quint
I was never sick as often in my life as I was my daughter's first year. I caught every bug she brought home. And being in daycare, she brought home a lot.
Call the CDC!
The Beast has no mercy. I suppose it is feeling fine and dandy, whilst you and your wife suffer the ravages of its attack.
Get well soon.
Dear Lumpy:
This is called "Creeping Crud." If you take care of yourself it will only last a week. If you just go about your business as before, it will only last seven days.
~Hoss
lumpy, so how is this the beasts fault??..she dont leave the house but with you and the mrs!!..LOL
cant blame everything on the ebast..heehee:)
Wait 'til the Beast starts going to Beast School. Then it will happen even more!
Upon your recovery, let me know if you received the communiqué I sent, and if you need any assistance in implementation.
Um...Lumpy. Go home. We don't want any of that Beast-induced sneezing around here.
Toad - Thank you. We are working on it. The wife is nearly better and I'm starting to come around too.
Quint - Indeed I hope so but I somehow doubt that that will be the case. After all there is never a shortage of illnesses to go around.
Monique - Yes and I fear we may be starting that same cycle. Wish us luck.
Jamie Dawn - Unfortunatly for the Beast its plan somewhat backfired and it also contracted the illness. Although it seams to have made the Beast more groggy than anything else.
Old Hoss - Indeed your timeline seams to be absolutly correct. This must indeed be the "Creeping Crud." I suppose that means I'll be back to my old Lumpy self come Monday-ish.
Christina - I can only assume that the Beast was able to smuggle in this weapon after receiving it from another Beast. On occassion the Beast has been able to meet with it's own kind. Although the meetings are admitedly seldom. This is my wifes doing and often happens while I'm at work.
Fred - I am certainly not looking forward to sending the Beast off to some school where it can learn to refine its attacks on us. Especialy if it will result in the increase of attacks like this latest one.
Marti - I have received your letter and unfortunatly have not had a chance to impliment it. Thank you for the offer of help but you left excellent directions and I believe I shall be able to work it out from them. Should I run into a problem I will of course get in touch with you. Thank you again.
Uncle Jimbo - Indeed I should have gone home although the sneezing is allergy induced. Still the coughing and sniffling were definantly Beast induced.
The Lumpy
Lumpy -
I have begun further surveilance into this "illness" the Beast has brough down upon you. Preliminary findings show that the sticky substance excreted by the Beast somehow attracts these illnesses, and holds them in until such time that the Beast deems them worthy of an attack on its captors.
Beware the stickiness!
~ quint
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