On Hunting and Bar-B-Q

Dear Mr. OR,

Perhaps you can tell that as of late I have been receiving some much needed help, about what to do with the Beast, from some of my friends who live near by. This weekend was no different. After discussing with a particular friend how I might be able to get away from the Beast and find some quiet time I learned that his favorite way was to go hunting. Indeed he talked with great longing about how he would fly into the mountains where he lived in Alaska and would hunt sheep up there. Now personally I'm not sure what the attraction to sheep hunting is. First a sheep is not so fast, even on the downhill slope of a mountain, that I would need a helicopter to chase it. Second I'm not certain that they let them out of their pens before shooting or not. If they do not then I find this particular type of hunting to be rather unsportsmanlike.

All in all though hunting sounded like a very good idea. So I gathered up the wife who gathered up the Beast and off we all went after packing in enormous amounts of camping gear and of course my rifle. We drove to the nearest non-posted woods area and set out to set up camp. Three hours later our camp site completely assembled and the fire started I settled down to prepare the Bar-B-Q sauce that would be used on tomorrows kill. Now the Lumpy is not as skilled as he would like in making Bar-B-Q sauces so his darling bride helped him with the recipe. It is a little known fact that Mrs. Lumpy is an amazing culinary artist and makes a particularly delicious Bar-B-Q sauce.

My labors for the day completed I retired to out tent. The entire Lumpy company seamed quite happy. Even the Beast relaxed its usual screaming regiment and spent several hours contemplating its surroundings. Were it not for the standard rocks and roots under the Lumpy's sleeping bag I may have had the first good nights sleep for weeks.

The next morning I woke up early partially from the stiffness caused by the rocks and roots under my makeshift bed partially in excitement for the mornings events. I awoke the Beast and brought it outside of the tent, my mind full of the hunt. I figure since the Beast is such a wily and cunning creature this should be more difficult than any other hunt I had tried as of yet. I laid the Beast down and shoed it toward the woods. But the Beast didn't move. I gave it a nudge... Nothing. The Beast simply sat there and looked at me. This went on for some time until the sun finally peeked through the trees and there I and the Beast sat. Me with my rifle and the Beast staring at me. The Beast is indeed a very cunning creature and must have known that if it didn't run away I would not be able to hunt it. After all how do you hunt what has already been found? Needless to say later that afternoon we packed up a lot of Bar-B-Q sauce and I am now in need of a fair amount of meet from the local supermarket lest the sauce go to waste. I remain always;

Respectfully Yours,

The Lumpy