On Flooding the Desert
Dear Mr. OR,
It would appear that the Beast has picked up a rather unusual gift. Where the Beast managed to learn this gift I do not know. I can only speculate that it must have been on one of its late night cannibalistic outings with my wife. Perhaps it captured a small Beast which had infiltrated a Native American household and given the unfortunate victim its freedom in exchange for this gift. However the Beast came across it, I am now the proud owner of one Beast who is capable of doing a rain dance.
It usually begins with a slight bending of the knees followed by several deep bending motions while the legs piston up and down in unison, then a pause while the hands flail vigorously followed by more deep bends and leg pistoning. This goes on for several minutes until Presto! Rain!
The Beast apparently thinks this is a very neat trick indeed as it has been doing its new rain dance for several days now causing it to rain directly above my house with out seising for several days. Every time it starts to let up the Beast begins its dance again and down comes the rain harder than before.
I was not concerned about this at first as I don't much care to be outdoors due to some severe allergies to everything that is green. But I failed to see the real genius of the plan until I wandered into our basement to find someone had replaced it with a large dirty swimming pool. I quickly realized that the Beast was trying to drown me out. Alas the poor Beast underestimated the Lumpy’s resourcefulness. After a deep sea diving expedition conducted by canoe in my basement I was able to find our pump and get it working. The basement is no longer underwater and everything is beginning to dry out which is a relief to me as I'm not fond of death by drowning.
As I wait for things to finish drying out I have begun talks with several counties in Arizona who are very interested in purchasing some time with our talented Beast. They think with some help our Beast could be a great boon to their agricultural business. A price has not been set yet but I will let you know as soon as negotiations have been completed. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
It would appear that the Beast has picked up a rather unusual gift. Where the Beast managed to learn this gift I do not know. I can only speculate that it must have been on one of its late night cannibalistic outings with my wife. Perhaps it captured a small Beast which had infiltrated a Native American household and given the unfortunate victim its freedom in exchange for this gift. However the Beast came across it, I am now the proud owner of one Beast who is capable of doing a rain dance.
It usually begins with a slight bending of the knees followed by several deep bending motions while the legs piston up and down in unison, then a pause while the hands flail vigorously followed by more deep bends and leg pistoning. This goes on for several minutes until Presto! Rain!
The Beast apparently thinks this is a very neat trick indeed as it has been doing its new rain dance for several days now causing it to rain directly above my house with out seising for several days. Every time it starts to let up the Beast begins its dance again and down comes the rain harder than before.
I was not concerned about this at first as I don't much care to be outdoors due to some severe allergies to everything that is green. But I failed to see the real genius of the plan until I wandered into our basement to find someone had replaced it with a large dirty swimming pool. I quickly realized that the Beast was trying to drown me out. Alas the poor Beast underestimated the Lumpy’s resourcefulness. After a deep sea diving expedition conducted by canoe in my basement I was able to find our pump and get it working. The basement is no longer underwater and everything is beginning to dry out which is a relief to me as I'm not fond of death by drowning.
As I wait for things to finish drying out I have begun talks with several counties in Arizona who are very interested in purchasing some time with our talented Beast. They think with some help our Beast could be a great boon to their agricultural business. A price has not been set yet but I will let you know as soon as negotiations have been completed. I remain always;
Respectfully Yours,
The Lumpy
posted by Julia Reffner | Tuesday, May 02, 2006
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