On the Power of the Pocket Book

Dear OR,

Indeed Mr. OR I have in fact been attending work regularly. In fact it is this very subject that is the reason why this post is so late. However; to do this justice I must back track a bit in on our conversation here.

You see prior to the arrival of The Beast my wife had informed me about the possibility of just such an invasion. Indeed my wife’s intuition often borders on the psychic in situations such as these. My wife informed me that such an invasion would be very expensive; requiring all manner of specialised devices. I believe many of these devices to be excellent means for torturing invaders into giving up information about their troop movements. Indeed upon buying some of these items I found them covered in belts, straps, buckles, hooks and many other devices used for immobilizing an adversary. I also realized upon inspection that modern torture is not cheap.

You see I was working at a delightful little resort at the time that provided all manner of liberties. In fact it was a lot more like attending your local smoking or country club than it was like going to work. Well even enjoyable leisurely work has its draw backs and the drawback here was simply that I was barely paid enough to maintain my chosen life style.

The wife and I argued for many hours about possibilities and replacement items and I must confess I was amazed at the bloodthirstiness I found in my bride. Indeed she steadfastly refused to budge on any of the latest technologies in torture and in fact was constantly adding devices to the list as she looked through catalogs or perused local inventories. Why, when I suggested we could use some rope to immobilize the expectant prisoners I was reprimanded so thoroughly that I feared bringing forth any further suggestions and instead began looking at ways to improve our income.

And this brings me to the reason I am late in my correspondence. As I am sure you have guessed by now I have changed employment. I am sad to report that this job is nothing like attending a smoking or country club but instead feels more like attempting to survive forced attrition. Indeed within days of my arrival they terminated twenty employees.

The Beast seams to require ever increasing flows of cash; however, so daily I report to work where they stuff me into a very small box with only a single light to read by and demand that I stare at my boxes walls for several hours at a time and then they send me home stiff. What purpose this serves I am not sure as I am afraid to ask the taskmasters but for now I am concentrating very hard at being the best box-wall starer that I can be. Perhaps if I show aptitude they will allow me a bigger box.

In regards to sleeping while at work I must confess I have come close several times. Indeed I find myself nodding off regularly but invariably as soon as my eyes begin to droop one of the taskmasters will come along and kick my box, ask me some question about the condition of its walls, and then wander off leaving me with the faint impression that I gave the wrong answer and will be among the next set of workers released.

So given my current state of affairs I hope that you will forgive my late correspondence and I shall try to remain more diligent in the future. I remain always;

Respectfully yours,

The Lumpy